A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a supermarket.
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticised everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, “Just a stupid can of peaches.”
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.”
The judge asked how many peach pieces were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, “Nine! But why do you care about that?” The judge answered patiently, “Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail — one day for each peach.”
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak. The judge said, “Yes sir, what do you have to add?” The husband said meekly, “Your Honour, she also stole a can of peas.
-- Johnny decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob--
Johnny decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
So, they loaded up Johnny’s minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained.
“I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”
“Don’t worry,” Johnny said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.”
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Johnny got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend with Bob.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about nine months ago?” “Yes, I do.” Said Bob.
Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?” “Well, um, yes” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out “I have to admit that I did.”
“And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?” Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy I’m afraid I did.
Why do you ask?” “Well, because she just died and left me everything.”
And you thought the ending would be different, didn’t you?
