An older, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.
He told the jeweller he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something much more special.”
The jeweller went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back.
“This one’s $40,000.”
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man said, “I’ll take it!” The jeweller asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, “By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds.
I’ll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon.”
Monday morning, the jeweller called the old man saying, “There’s no money in that account!” The old man said, “I know I know, but let me tell you about the weekend I just had!”
--Ma And Pa Were Living Out On A Farm--
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says, “Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road? He must be smart ’cause he’s a college gradjyate.”
So Pa drives down to the neighbour’s house and asks him, “Mr College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”
The young’n tells him, “Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time.
The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it’s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground.
The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.”
Pa thanks the neighbour, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse.
He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm. Then, WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse throw open the door and asks, “Ma, are you all right?”
As she pulls up her panties she says, “Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen!”
