The Mexican Maid asked for a pay rise.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want more pay?”
Maria: “Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increase.
The first eez that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.” Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Maria: “The second reason eez that I am better cook than you.”
Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “Jor hozban deed.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Maria: “The third reason is that I a’m a better at make love than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Maria: “No Senora, the gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
--A older couple is lying in bed--
An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night’s sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me.”
“Why not?” he asks.
She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”
The husband says, “What are you talking about?
We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”
She says “No, I’m definitely dead.”
He insists, “You’re not dead.
What in the world makes you think you’re dead?”
“Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.”