An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!”
Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven. The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,“Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.” “Scripture?” replied the burglar.
“She said she had an Ax and Two 38s”
--Elizabeth a very attractive and keen golfer--
One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what’s your name?” “I’m Phil and I’m OK thanks,” I replied.
“Phil, forget your troubles Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the cart up later”.
“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “But I don’t think my wife would like it”. “Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very hot and persuasive and I was weak.
“Well OK,” I finally agreed, and added, “But my wife won’t like it”.
After a few restorative brandys, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my hostess.
“I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset”.
“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile: “She won’t know anything By the way, where is she?” “Under the cart” I said.
