Three young women are at a cocktail party.
The conversation turns to their position in life, and it’s clear that they’re trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation,” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, “Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,” and looks about with considerable pride.
Young woman number three says, “Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don’t have much money and we don’t have many material possessions.
However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect thing.”
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says“Girls, I’ve got a confession to make: I was just trying to impress you.
You know that vacation I was telling you about?
Well, it’s not to the French Riviera, it’s to my folks’ house in Terrie Hate for two weeks.”
The second one says, “Your honesty has shamed me.
It’s not a Mercedes; it’s a Plymouth.”
“Well, I’ve got a confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one leg.”
--I'm Giving Up!--
A magician is working on a Cruise Ship… With him, he has a parrot to spice up his routine.
Sadly, the parrot has the habit of ruining his show.
Whenever the magician makes something disappear, the parrot announces: “Saw it! You palmed it and hid it up to your sleeve!” When he does a card trick, the parrot says: “Saw it! Every card in that decks the same!”
He does this every routine, much to the magician's dismay.
After a week of this, the cruise ship hits an iceberg and begins to sink.
In the ensuing chaos, the magician manages to save his belongings and the parrot but ends up alone with his bird in a lifeboat.
For the first time, the parrot is completely silent. Two days later, the bird says: “Alright, I give up Wheres the ship?”