A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing when a young man walks by and asks him what’s wrong.
Through his tears, the old man answers, “Im in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman.”
“What’s wrong with that?” asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, “You dont understand, every morning before she goes to work, we make love.
At lunchtime, she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favourite meal.
In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want.
And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love.”
He breaks down, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him. “I dont understand.
It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you sitting here on this park bench crying?”
The senile old man answers, again through his tears, “I forgot where I live.”
--A Guy Goes To Pick Up His Date--
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.
Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him.
He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks, “Great, they think the dog did it.”
He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts.
Finally the woman yells, “Dammit Spot, get down before he craps on you.”
